I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish you could order shots online.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
