You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
