Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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