doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
