dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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