i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
