My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
