It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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