Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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