You're so nebulous sometimes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
