My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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