Your dad touched me again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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