i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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