some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
