yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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