11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
