If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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