Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
