she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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