Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
