So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
