it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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