just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
