Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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