The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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