On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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