You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
