My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
