I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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