i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is Oprah even human
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
