Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
