That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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