none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
