Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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