So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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