Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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