Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
