i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
