Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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