It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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