I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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