I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
