So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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