He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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