FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
