I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize