sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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