marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
