My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
