So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
