my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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