apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
