i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
