I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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