what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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