I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
