Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And then he peed in my hair
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