i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed