oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke