We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?