I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude