Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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