does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
