I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
