pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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