Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
