Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
