So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
