Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
