im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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