I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
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She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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