Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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