I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He has the fingertips of a God
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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