You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Who died my cat blue again?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
