Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
