When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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