I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
